Is quitting your studies a taboo?
Why is quitting college after the first year so difficult, sometimes almost impossible? And why do many students prefer not to talk about it? “Everyone went on except you, so then you quickly fall by the wayside.”
At first, Irina Ioanes (22) thought it was because of the stress of the binding study advice (BSA) that she didn't like her studies in Technical Computer Science at TU Delft. “I thought, once I get my BSA, I'll probably be more relaxed.
The course in Delft was the best in Europe, her parents wanted her to study there, and Ioanes liked math and computer science in high school. “But that major was not what I expected. In the end, there were only two math subjects and it also didn’t help that I started college during corona. Halfway through sophomore year, I decided I wanted to drop out.”
She hardly talked about that decision. Fellow students were completely absorbed in their studies and her parents in Romania did not understand her choice. Ioanes explains: “In Romania, it is not common to drop out of college or take a gap year. You study not because you like it, but for a degree.” Her younger sister was the only one who encouraged her to do something else: “You can open so many doors, so why don’t you?”
Then seek help from the study or career counselor. And talk about it with friends, family, or fellow students. In case of psychological complaints, don’t keep it to yourself for too long, and instead seek help from student psychologists or your family doctor.
Every year, some 3,000 students at the UvA drop out. By far the majority drop out in the first year, about 28 percent of first-year students. That percentage has been stable for years, with the exception of the corona period, when fewer students quit.
Still, many students seldom speak openly about dropping out, notes Jasmijn Ritmeester, student welfare project leader. Why is dropping out sometimes so difficult? Is it taboo? And what do students go through when they drop out?
It feels like failure
Dropping out becomes more difficult the longer you study. Consequently, the students Folia spoke to studied longer than one year. That group is much smaller, adding up to about five percent of students at the UvA quitting after the first year.
“It felt like giving up,” says Ioanes. “I always saw myself as an ambitious person, a go-getter. If you drop out of college, are you still ambitious?” What helped Ioanes was the realization that changing majors was not a matter of giving up. “I realized I was giving up on a course of study that didn’t suit me, and I persevered in figuring out what I really wanted.” And that was to start her own business. Ioanes is now studying Business Administration at the UvA.
Noah Bordewijk (27) also barely spoke to fellow students when she sat at home with burnout after her first year studying dentistry at ACTA. “I think it was shame. It felt like failure and it also took a long time before I even dared tell my parents I had quit. At no point was it discussed that dropping out was an option.”
Bordewijk wanted to be a dentist for as long as she could remember. “I really liked my dentist and everything about it was interesting.” But studying dentistry was not what she expected. “The culture was very competitive, and everything was a competition. If you got a 6.5 for an assignment, and someone else got an 8, you noticed that the other person felt better. It was never enough.”
In the second year of her studies, after she had already obtained her BSA, Bordewijk found herself sitting at home with burnout. Except for a few fellow students, no one from her program contacted her. “Everyone went on except you, so then you quickly fell by the wayside.”
When she contacted student advisors to start studying again, she was told, “If you are in such a bad mental state, it might not be a good idea to come back.” Bordewijk ended up having an identity crisis. “Becoming a dentist was all I wanted to be. When that fell through, it was hard. That period of my life is not something I’m proud of, but I do think I came out of it stronger.”
Identity crisis
Many students go through a similar process when they drop out of college, says Ritmeester. “Initially, students conclude that they are failing, think ‘I can’t do it,’ or ‘I have failed.’ Only at a later stage do students come to the healthier conclusion: ‘This major is not the right one for me.’”
This is a picture that university lecturer Annabel Bogaerts, who researches how identity development works in adolescents and young adults, recognizes. “Our society believes very strongly in the idea that if you start something, you have to finish it. But becoming an adult is a period accompanied by changes. During this period, young people are still very much exploring who they are and often revisit earlier decisions, such as their major in college.”
Identity development happens throughout one’s life, but especially during adolescence (between the ages of 12 and 18) and young adulthood (between the ages of 19 and 30), when identity questions such as “Who am I?” and “What do I want?” take center stage. Says Bogaerts: “Some experience an identity crisis as a difficult period, for others it happens rather naturally.”
Exploring those questions can be accompanied by uncertainty and symptoms of depression and anxiety. Bogaerts says: “Asking yourself questions about who you are can feel uncomfortable but is a very normal process that everyone goes through. I think many young people are not aware of it. Research shows that identity confusion can encourage young people to find their own way in life. From there, a person can begin to walk a life path that he or she finds meaningful and enjoyable.”
Getting stuck
In some cases, students can get stuck when a study choice doesn’t fit. Bogaerts says: “When identity confusion drags on for a long time, it can be accompanied by more serious mental health issues. These can arise because new identity choices are not made that a person feels comfortable with, or because there is a lack of a support network or self-confidence.”
Sam Kailani (29) chose a major that was far out of his wheelhouse. For six years he studied civil engineering at TU Delft without earning a degree. After a year and a half of college, he knew he didn’t fit in at TU. “To be honest, I didn’t dare to quit; in fact, quitting didn’t even seem like an option.”
As to why he chose civil engineering, “I think at the time I was mainly concerned with meeting what society and my parents expected of me: a good degree and a good job. At 18, you have an idea of what society does or does not value. Art and philosophy are hobbies, and culture and society topics we called ‘the fun package.’ I couldn’t see then that that story didn’t make sense for me, but I was sensitized to it.”
Although he talks openly about it now, it is not easy for him to tell the story. “But it felt like my duty. I would have liked someone to have made it clear to me then, that I should choose something I was good at and what I found very interesting.”
Years passed before Kailani realized he would never finish his civil engineering studies. “My bad luck was that I passed my BSA the first year, albeit with great difficulty. Then I felt like I couldn’t backtrack. After that, I didn’t manage to get very many credits.”
For years, Kailani didn’t talk to anyone about it. Nor did anyone from the university get in touch, even when he didn’t show up for months and didn’t take exams. “You are a number at such a big university. Looking back, I sometimes wonder: How come there was no mention of my absence anywhere in the computer system? And that nobody thought, let’s check why.”
Buried
However, Kailani finds it hard to imagine what would have helped him at the time. “I was really dug in. If someone had said to me then, you can drop out, too, I wouldn’t have wanted that. I also didn’t feel that talking would help.”
Only later, when he sought help, did he realize how trapped he had become by not wanting to quit college. “Only then did I begin to realize that I was too preoccupied with what others would think and too little with what I wanted.”
Now he studies religious studies at the UvA. “That’s exactly what it had to be.” He regularly gets e-mails from faculty about mental health. “Then I think, yeah man, this is what I would have wanted in the past. Then I would have let the first 10 e-mails pass me by, but taken note of them and maybe connected the 11th or 12th to my situation.”
Taboo
Does Kailani think there is a taboo on dropping out of college? It is certainly looked down upon, especially if you take longer, Kailani thinks. “I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s because of the efficiency-oriented thinking of neoliberal society that seeps into everything. It’s also better to get your degree as quickly as possible, is the thinking.”
Bordewijk has now been studying psychobiology at the UvA for several years and also talks more easily about switching majors. “The fact that I am now doing something that suits me has helped.”
Ioanes also feels right at home in Business Administration, although she prefers not to tell fellow students that she first studied in Delft. “People often don’t understand that I quit in my second year, because that’s when you finish, right? They are usually not interested in my story but immediately have a judgment ready.”
To better help students struggling with their studies, Bogaerts says more qualitative research is needed. “It has already been established that students can get stuck in their identity development and experience psychological problems, but what exactly is the issue? Do they need more support, more guidance on study choices, or more confidence? We know it’s hard going, but creating specific tools remains difficult so far.”
